I plan on using my big titties for evil tonight.
She finally woke up and said, "Me- nothing, potato peeler- 1." And rolled back over.
Yelling drunk tank or bust at a cop, not a good idea
My getting drunk and marrying a stranger in Vegas final court annulment papers just came in the mail... I might frame that shit
I would like to apologize for my MANY attempts of trying to motor boat you.
Brian got his first ever blow job last night. We should make him a scrapbook.
You know my ex in high school who cheated on me and dumped me right before prom? A decade later, I just saw her again...working at an Arby's. it was a good day...
He held the beaver pelt from the fireplace over my crotch and asked his friend "she look familiar now?", he then remembered my name.
Somewhere in this city is a lost rubber penis that needs to find its way back home
Love these next 4 months. Wake up from a college football hangover and get to put your hand down your pants and watch NFL football all day.
He also told me he would eat mozzarella sticks before having sex with me so I'm mad at him.
Haven't sucked a dick since mid December. In crisis mode.
My roommate just threatened to kill me with my own pan. Can I ever get away from the crazies?!
I had sex upstairs in my parents house, and my mom texted me and said "those raccoons are out of control in the walls."
I sent him a blank text because I didn't want to "drunk text" him.
Randomize
