Heyy I kind of wanted to apologize and excuse myself for last night. I feel like that was a little much. I just met you. That's why I don't like tequila. Haha
He just screamed at her, "if you pass out i am still having sex with you!!!" In front of the entire party.
No matter how fun it seemed the night before you will always regret taking those pictures, you will always regret eating as much as you did, but you will never regret the great lengths you had to got to get those bruises.
Practice the "sorry I may have given you herpes" conversation with me before I call him and break the news
standing in the yard with no pants on waiting for google maps to come and take a picture.
i feel like arbor mist is too classy for that. you need a colt 45
Yeah you're right. The one time when arbor mist is too classy
I assume you will show your seat mates your vibrating cock ring.
you know you made out with my sister while holding Ur girlfriends hand while she was puking in the toilet right
When I finally got there you were bleeding all over and you just kept saying over and over that the dog was your only friend at the party.
I will be sticking my dick in something this weekend. You can either be that something or not. Your decision.
I threw up through my nose tonight. Happy cinco de mayo
COKE WAS NOT ON THE ITINERARY FOR TONIGHT.
I need someone to sew my vagina shut until I'm responsible enough to use it
Hypothetically speaking, if a girl asks you to fuck her wearing only your hockey helmet, is that socially acceptable?
i just read a article called "Booze, Drugs, and Bipolar Disorder"... i think someone is writing the memoirs of my life
Randomize
