Locked eyes w/ her at mainstreet, and said 'yeah yeah get it!' From there we started violently making out on the dancefloor (I had a FULL boner, ps) and then I got her number
My grandmass entire neighborhood is over for dessert and i'm high as fuck...about to make a couple of freshman boys real uncomfortable
Freshman in high school? Just your type
Vomit. Vomit. Whatever. You wear a tiara in public.
He's a collector of sorts
Any cool stuff?
You should see the collection of booggers in the carpet next to his desk
I woke up at 2 in my clothes with a defrosted steak in my pocket, no drinky this week at all.
I lost my phone so I put sticky notes all over my roommates body asking her to wake me up at 7:00 AM.
She whispered into my eat that she wanted me to fuck her while her parrot watched...
i'm half naked talking to a cat. you don't have to justify your life to me.
I really want to lead this Amish guy into temptation
Me and the guy at the liquor store are on a first name basis, college is all about networking.
I haven't even booked my flights yet and I have my drug supply sorted
I convinced a shit ton of people I was a russian foreign exchange student to get free drinks. I knew learning those accents would come in handy.
I rolled joints beforehand. Lit a candle. Ghetto rigged taping the 40's on my hands and then lit the joint using the flame of the candle.
I'm so proud of your modern ingenuity
Also I can show up hungover, fall asleep at my desk, and smell like a bottle of whiskey, and they still like me more then my shitty co worker
I told her I was going to masterbate myself into a coma... We have another date on Thursday.
Randomize
