On friday while at the hotel bar by myself (creepy) I made friends w/ a millionaire who said he may be running for the position of mayor in richmond va (likely a lie). At one point during our discourse he asked if I was crazy. In the effort of full disclosure I looked him in the eye and said yes
I don't know what prompted his inquiry, clearly this man had impeccable intuition
when i'm not drinking i'm making facebook events about drinking
Wearing the BK Crown on the throne while dropping the kids off at the pool? Yes, one of my life's goals. Win
We had sex after spending two hours in the drunk tank. It was really deep and meaningful
He blow dried my hair while I sucked his dick. Now THAT'S fucking teamwork.
Let's just say my vagina is not superimpressed with the superintendent of schools.
Very impressive. My GPA is the same amount of orgasms I can offer tonight (valid only tonight): 3.5
I was living a snoop dogg song I fucked her on the floor so I wouldn't mess up my bed
Did u know it's unconstitutional to turn down a shot during 4th of July celebrations.. Rest now dear liver
Pedi-lyte stocked
Woke up with an e-cig stuck in my asshole. Explain.
I think the highlight of my night is when I was eating a mayonnaise sandwich. drunk me was on point.
How high?! We watched paid programming for 45 minutes before we realized it wasn't just a long commercial. So pretty high. The Bionic fish finder looks promising, though.
Lets get a boat first.
i saved a drunk oompa loompa he was passed out on the lawn and i picked him up figured out where he lived and put him in his bed and wrote his roommate a note
Want to have dinner and we can talk about how my vagina can make you feel better?
I love you so much and not just because your dick is perfect
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