i wiped a booger on my final. end of semester present.
I cant help but love a girl who informs me of the pregnancy test results by emailing me a YouTube clip of Barney Stinsons not a fathers day speech.
did i try to light ur hair on fire with a sparkler at the club saturday?
When I said to shut up, I meant it. I'm sorry you have a bald spot now, but it was necessary.
Have you ever noticed that the cities in car commercials look really futuristic?
...did you eat that brownie?
Its not the fact that i woke up wearing a tutu that bugs me its the fact that i have 75 photos of me wearing a tutu on facebook
I don't believe in coincidence. I believe in the stars aligning perfectly to sodomise me in public. Who ever said I was cynical?
He's gonna be so upset when he get's a real job and can't do serious drugs.
I don't have the resources to adequately explain this. I need like a Powerpoint presentation and also Vodka.
I don't know about this Sanders guy after all. I'm voting for MYSTERY BABYLON, WHORE OF ALL THE EARTH
Hillary?
Is it weird to befriend your older alcoholic landlords?
You spent the whole night conversing with your zombie poster, so I'd say you were pretty far gone.
Nah, just stick him in a closet with some cheetos, a blunt and soda. The darkness will calm him down until Mallory can be located.
I had a dream that I was smoking rasberries out of a bong. THEY WEREN'T EVEN DRIED...
I have bruises everywhere an I broke the lamp. So ya I'd considerate rough sex.
Randomize
