I had a disgustingly explicit dream last night involving myself and lil wayne.
where are you?
in the room with the baby pig
k im coming soon
I'm still with the girl from last night. remember to call me conrad and that i work for PETA
There is a girl in bio drinking beer out of a starbucks cup with a straw
Defiantly just threw away our yearly bottle collection in front of the campus tour. The school should pay me for recruitment
I'm skyping with my parents and reading Cosmo articles on giving great head. I'm on a roller coaster that only goes up, baby.
Ugh he's texting me.
Tell him you're no longer interested in what he has to offer; his shitty personality outweighs his sexual prowess.
I asked the full emergency room who else was there because of homecoming and every single person raised their hand
I'm so confused as to where the sexual euphemisms end and the drinking starts
Well, I washed his beard with dish soap and then I fucked him three times.
Just wiped the ashes off my forehead before he came over to have sex. Definitely going to hell.
She was riding me and giving me score updates to the basketball game at the same time..... Shes a keeper
PSA. Do not shart while wearing a jock strap at work. That is all.
yeah, I woke up with nacho cheese crusted all over my face and head...a lone jalapeno still stuck in my ear...you win this round drunk nachos....
Dry spell is over and now I’m drowning in a river of dick. The dam broke and now half the dicks in DC are trying get in my skirt
It’s a glorious dick miracle!
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