It says i should accept HIV aids as my friend on facebook.We have 12 friends in common. I need new friends.
I woke up at 4am on the couch with half my clothes on. And by half my clothes I mean my earrings.
his genitalia just looks like a thumbs up. a really really small thumbs up.
Every time she shows up on my newsfeed, I get the taste of tequila in my mouth.
i will be the first lesbian to ever fail women's studies.
I feel like my uterus is decaying in my body
Why did you not tell me that video snapchats are a thing? This is a fucking game changer for my mobile sex life.
I only blacked out one night of three if that isn't fucking personal growth idk what is
I snuck out three pillows from the hotel i was rolling so hard. They are like little clouds. I regret nothing.
I changed his contact info to "NO" and a picture of satan
When I was sick she came over with Call of Duty, animal crackers and a handjob. Honor says I can't dump her until Easter
All I want for my birthday to be fingered and eat pizza
Hi,\n\nYou left your underwear in my Uber. Thanks and bye.
Stop recording sex noises and setting them as my ringtones. This time it was at a funeral
Um so I might have accidentally on accident maybe blew up the bottom half of your truck...
Randomize
