She looked like her face caught fire, and someone put it out with a screwdriver.
of course. lets lasso hookers.
You kept telling me to "raw dog" your take home breathalyzer without the mouthpiece
You do realize I got a panda tattooed on my ass just to get you laid, right?
Announcement: Given the sad circumstances regarding the death of my dearest friend Chong the Bong, there will be a brief memorial service for him tomorrow evening at 10:30 at my place. After sharing some memories and sending his spirit off to the great bowl in the sky, we will all take place in the commemoration and maiden voyage of his son, Chong Squared, who eagerly waits to meet all of you. High blessings to you all, piece be with you.
So... Apparently, "Home" isn't the correct response when a cop asks for your address...
Just got escorted to my 7:45 class by an old woman because I was too hungover to not realize I was four floors too high.
I woke up wearing a headband made of condoms. It was supposed to be a crown for the "prettiest fag hag" award I won last night. There is lube in my hair. I'm going back to sleep
I'm not gonna lie. The only reason I haven't drank a whole bottle of crown tonight is because we only had 3/4 of a bottle left.
Well i would have gone to the bar but Satan decided to hold his rituals in my uterus.
It's whatever. Titanic is about to be on and we have wine, which is basically crying juice. Leo, Kate, and I will be having a lovely, pants free evening.
The man who almost made us Eskimo sisters is getting married. Of course I'll be your date. We need to toast the end of his sex life!
TRY TO UNDERSTAND I HAVE MAGIC POWERS HOLY FUCKING SHIT
he high fived his dick after we had sex
Me and dad were just reflecting on that time he found a gas mask bong in the backyard.
Randomize
