Sleepwalking naked until I was 12 made it so much easier to get away with drinking at moms now.
This girl has a second refrigerator that she uses JUST for liquor, her kitchen chairs are kegs AND she can grill. I'm not coming back.
I did the seizure Bad Romance dance again last night, didn't I?
you were really good actually. your skill is increasing over time
Can we please not be like these pathetic people in their thirties who only get drunk when they go see Sherrill Crow?
I made my rape whistle into a roach clip device. FRESHMAN YEAR!
I just compared drinking to love. How do these people not know I'm an alcoholic?
I can hear her moaning. I'm on some random guy's counter. He wanted me to cuddle but I said I didn't know how.
It's 1 AM and there's a guy outside my house belting out Bennie and The Jets. He stops in between verses to puke. I'm joining him.
We just reached that moment of the night when you start making cookie quesadillas. Party on Wayne
Nothing like a false "my-dad-found-my-weed" alarm on Christmas day.
I think when Jesus turned water into wine it was a sign that we should get drunk off Sangria tonight. Do it for Jesus. He died for your sins.
Do one night stands count towards my number?
Yes. A penis is a penis
Even bad ones?
YES.
I think someone tried to make a huge bowl of ramen in my bathtub. There's noodles everywhere in my bathroom.
who has a one night stand on Christmas ? But he's pretty attractive so thumbs up
I could be writing so much lesbian porn right now but noooooo!
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