Drinking bud light and eating rice cakes...this is the closest to getting in shape for spring break as its going to get.
Just hungoverly hit my funny bone with a hot straightener. Triple threat.
The house is trashed, there is porn scattered everywhere like an easter egg hunt and the blow up doll is sleeping on the couch downstairs. someone covered her up.
Just found cake in my bra, debating if I should eat it
HOW LONG TILL THESE DRUGS WEAR OFF. I WORK IN ONE HOUR, I REPEAT, I WORK IN ONE HOUR.
Just realized that St. Patty's is on a Saturday this year in case you were interested in coming to New York and redefining bender with me.
My dating life has become some fucked up hydra of dicks; you cut one off and two pop up in its place.
My only positive piece of news is that my roommate is moving home for the summer, so our stress-relief sex will be much easier to get away with.
Is being in jail an excusable absence?
You're right. Cause really... I'm in the back of his head. Even though what I said was better than "I have herpes"... I did once say that to him. So I'm like a reoccurring nightmare.
Are you feeling better yet?
I need a nap and a new butthole
Why thank you for your unwanted opinion, person I've never met before.
Babe, holding my hair while i blow you doesn't count as being romantic
as I was leaving in the morning with his clothes on his roommate pops up and goes 'don't you dare steal that shirt, i gave it to him for his birthday'.
its liver damage thursday
Randomize
