i just saw a homeless guy running after a pigeon, catch it and put it in his jacket pocket. I'm not sure if the bird is now his pet or dinner!
Omg. Well, welcome to Oakland...
I hate seeing commercials about babies when i'm high
Yeah, I don't like babies at all
well we can cross tagging a chick in a movie theatre off the list of things to do before we die
I did something last night that I shouldn't have, but I don't want to tell you because you'll probably just make it your fb status...
I see you've learned your lesson.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We decided to smoke and then made crosses on our foreheads for ash wednesday
mom would be proud
She told me I was lying in front of her toilet for an hour saying "lasers."
i figure now that we're number one party school im obligated to black out at least 4 days a week. andddd go.
He just climbed off me and used my hairspray to fix his hair. If he hadn't just gone down on me I would think he's gay.
I fucked her ex bc she fucked mine but now we're cool and I'm watching her dog this weekend
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yes. Life would be much easier if we had penises & could do whatever the fuck we want.
Do you feel better now that you've sent me a picture of your dick?
Yep.
'allo, good sire. how dost thy day goeth?
oh no. you're at that weird Renaissance Festival thing again, aren't you?
I am an inebriated elf. you may fucketh off.
I was doing handstands in the jail cell and crying “IM A HIGH SCHOOL TEACHER AND IT’S CHRISTMAS EEEEEVE”
holy f. i broke my toe giving him head. how does that even happen!?
My life is a random series of events connected only by bottles of Seagram's 7
Randomize