You tried to wear your Jesus costume into Family Christian stores and say it was a book signing.
alright she left, finally time to fart up the room
I just found out my first birthday was a keg party. Suddenly everything makes sense
theyll ask where you are and ill say on a date crying in a sombrero
like that time i did too much ghb at gay pride
You called me at 2am singing 'happy birthday' while screaming 'I fucking love you' verses, all while eating a burrito and taking a piss off your apartment balcony
Yeah I know, the people below me already told me
You would be my first round pick for a drinking team
There is a pile of hair outside the apartment next door. At least now I know what all that shouting was about last night.
Either im tripping real hard, or there's a legit land shark in my apartment.
The effect you have on my penis from a different state is impressive
then looked at this little girl next to me and was like "don't drink when you get older and don't let your best friend be with assholes." she looked at me like i was crazy
don't give me stepladders when i'm stoned.. i woke up to a slice of balogna nailed to the ceiling
Two of my dealers just made friends at this party. Do you think one will be pissed if I buy from the other or should I just go 50/50?
seriously i don't trust him. he fed me a hot dog out of a crock pot and gave me moonshine dashed jager bombs.
This whole brainwashing thing is easy!
Jack and I got in a huge fight at 6am. He fell asleep when I was giving him head so I freaked. We were both black out so I made a memo in my phone reminding me
Randomize
