wat bout pragnant strippers??
i ran around the party telling everyone that my favorite sexual position was also the only position that made me queef...i kept calling it the "double edged sword"
Well I say she's a whore. All four of her kids have different last names.
BUT, one is Johnson and the other is Johnston. She gets some credit for that
And the best part is that she's coming home to find that I completely shaved her dog.
Three things I need a picture of: your friend, your bong, and your dick.
Know of anyone who would be interested in trading weed for meatballs?
Ummm didn't i have pubes when i went to bed last night?
It's not even 6 am and I've already told my mom to fuck herself in the face
Just in case the world ends tomorrow, I have an emergency contact group of booty calls I can send a quick "let's fuck" to before I die.
We have moved from phase 1: honeymoon, to phase 2: trapped in relationship until the cold embrace of death
ive started thanking my toys after masturbating. might be time to get some fuck boys
last time we tried to watch a movie together, we ended up having really aggressive sex. during the Lion King. so what Disney classic will we be ruining this time?
He fucked the hangover right out of me. That good.
I got conspiracy theory drunk.
I don’t care if there’s a pandemic. My husband gave me a hall pass for my 40th birthday and I’m going to use it!
Randomize
