He looked like the mexican version of Steve Carrell with a unibrow.
i just walked with a girl who was carrying a chair down the street. apparently she got mad at the bartender and took the bar stool when she left.
Just saw a white stretch Hummer limo outside of CiCi's pizza. Way to live up to the stereotypes, Alabama.
Threesome last night. Not that cool, you tend to pick a favorite.
my dad brought home flowers.. so i started talking to them
just once i'd like the "right thing" and the "topless thing" to be the SAME THING
making my second box of kraft dinner for the day. thinking about telling him how much you cheat on him so that you end up having to spend valentines day with me. i'm sorry its every man for himself.
Last time we had a party like that I woke up naked on the pool table with a chalk outline around me and a empty bottle of jager duct taped to my hand.
Yea. I'm excited about this party too
That's what tomorrow is for. It's like bloodletting. Except with shame and liquor.
Can you please come and collect your boss off of my kitchen floor.
Awk. Hanging with her while messaging her ex about sex injuries he gave me
There is nothing worse then the feeling after you've held in farts all night..
What's his name?
Where does drinking Flat, warm beer from two days ago rank of the No Fucks Given scale?
I don't think he likes that I'm always sending him pictures of me in my bra but he needs to get it together
On another note, I kinda only wanna poop laying down now
Randomize
