Almost ran you over in the parking lot. You look good
Don't worry. I just took 2 benadryls and beat off. I'm practically sleep texting
you left your shoes but remembered to take your vodka. i see where your priorities are.
He had Jail Releases phone number programed into speed dial on his phone.
Just woke up with 34 slim-jims in my pocket. Too afraid to check the others.
I'm drinking with 3 chicks and 1 gay dude. 100% chance I'm getting laid and 75% chance I'll enjoy it.
Sober Sundays just aren't working out anymore.
That white girl was surprised to see orange pubes around my black cock. Happy Halloween!
I am just pathetic enough to be sitting on the couch with my cat drinking absinthe and vodka watching moulin rouge. Hello, tuesday night.
So i walked around campus drunk and alone last night eating pizza and a lunchable from 7-11. Sat by the flag pole and drank an entire liter of water, took off my shoes to prance around in the fountain, then stepped in dog shit on the way home...barefoot.
I was on etsy and I'm like those boobs look way too familiar
we are not taking body shots with the irish cream
Only time and a comprehensive case study of all of your relationships will tell.
It was a recodring of you having sex ! It was like an ape and a dying mongoose at a buffet Xoxoxo
MY MOM WALKED IN WHILE I WAS EATING THEM OUT AND STARTED ASKING US ABOUT THE PROJECT RUNWAY EPISODE WE WERE WATCHING EARLIER
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