this wart on my finger ripped off while i was fingering this girl the other night. she thought she had gotten her period and started crying so i went with. its better for both of us that way
Just accidentally pinched my dick between two 50 pound dumbbells while doing shoulder shrugs. God hates me.
aaaaaand im pretty certain i told that boy i just met that "his balls better be out tomorrow"
I have no idea how I got home or why I am naked but I assume I owe you a thank you...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just did something so unspeakable in the panera bathroom that their health score dropped 10 points.
Running across campus through Hurricane Sandy while hammered and in a slutty cowgirl costume obviously should be top priority tonight
I went in the closet and cried, then the bathroom and cried, and lastly he showed me his penis and I cried. It was a weird night.
If it makes you feel any better... I have a friend who found out her mom was in the video for 2 Live Crew's "Pop That Pussy"
I'm not saying I haven't been that drunk. I'm just saying I haven't been that drunk and then have cops buy me shots.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Did you know there is a guy on the porch, wrapped in your snuggie, singing no woman no cry and drinking wine coolers?
He pointed at me, then leaned in and said "shes the best at blow jobs" then chris fist pumped him and said "dude, I know"
Today was brought to you by the letter B for beer and bourbon and the number fuck you I'm meant to be studying not hungover
Then he said,"I love you like a sister I like to have sex with."
The next time we go out, we're bringing a jar so that people can contribute to the rest of what I need to come up with for my breast implants... We'll show them yours for inspiration and persuasion.
Honestly after an incomprehensible political rant yoga seems like the best option at 2 am
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