I feel like our house is getting pulled over.
You know it's an interesting night when you drunkenly scream at your boss, "You'd make a HORRIBLE OBGYN!! You're hands are ENORMOUS!"
just jacked off in the bed i was conceived in.
do you remember putting condoms over both your hands and asking me if your fists would be too big.
Some guy shouted fuck america during the national anthem, i decked him. They threw him out. USA USA USA!
As of tonight I have officially had sex during every Disney movie.
im pretty sure thats the first step to being a pedafile
Well on a lighter note, guess who just threw up in the elevator
She told me to stuff her like a turkey. She actually yelled happy thanksgiving.
You told him that your vagina was the "King Crab" of all vagina's.
Just like to put it out there it's surprising how little reception a dog cage has
I think I will always strangely appreciate as well as kick ass at stoned dishes. Like for the rest of my life. Thank you slave job at Starbucks.
While randomly hooking up with my neighbor last night he says "it's okay we're neighbors".
someone just got arrested on campus...
holy fuck look at all that cocaine
what do you mean i can't make cookies with a blow dryer? challenge accepted.
The man at the checkout said "Somebody's not fucking around".
It's gonna be a good night
Randomize
