We were making out in the bushes when some dude comes and starts peeing beside us.
It's true- you can buy beer at McDonald's in France. I'm not coming back to the States.
I don't hate you. My dick is upset with you, but I don't hate you.
I can't wait to be a mother. My daughters gonna outdrink every boy in her grade
I AM OVULATING LIKE A STEAM ENGINE.
Playing hide and seek with all those cheeseburgers... Not our finest moment.
I want to know him. He looks like he makes really good breakfast burritos.
As far as figuring life out your talking to a guy that's alternating text messages between his baby mama and a drunk bitch I met tailgating. My best advice is don't worry about shit out of your control and always and I really mean ALWAYS wear a condom.
i know i said i'd always be there for you, but i'm beginning to think that what you call "being there for me" the american judicial system calls reckless endangerment.
I'm gonna let my dick speak for itself from now on. Seriously, it's always recruiting for me even after 6 hours of drinking.
Remember, ur body isn't a visitors center
Is it possible to be drunk burnt? Like sun burnt but from drinking? Cus I think I that's what it feels like
He had all the grace of a fucking hippo and the emotional control of a five year old
I think he thought I was too drunk to handle his parrot
Reading becomes significantly more difficult when people are having crazy loud sex in an adjoining room
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