Needless to say when I told my parents they loved me less
i miss you so much
i miss you too
oops, did i send that to you? i meant to send it to the money you owe me
i'd like someone to explain to me why my clothes are all sticky. including my fanny pack. yes, this is a mass text.
I had to take the fire extinguisher from him. He was just sitting on the floor petting it.
So I am just swinging blind here, but I am guessing that blood in your sinus is not ideal
Just thought to myself "I should practice shotgunning a beer before Wednesday." I don't think my GPA is going to like this semester.
I mean really it's like when you're super hungry and you can't decide what to eat, you just know you want food. This is that situation, but for my vagina
He stopped in the middle of us having sex and asked "is today Monday?" then went even faster
I just threw up every bad decision and it hurts
bad night - i tried for naughty librarian but could only manage to pull off pissed off barrista.
i'm teaching a bunch of people how to grow weed over snapchat. no shame.
So, I without a doubt haven't used the bag I'm now carrying since we were dating. Just had to discreetly throw out an unopened magnum in a bus station.
He may be 6' 6" but I'm 180 lbs of pure rage and determination
I can't be held responsible for another man's penis.
SOOOOOO I just attempted to go to the gym, hungover. Ended up throwing up in the bathroom. I hope people think I'm just working out really hard
Randomize
