you really are a gigantic fucking slut.
sidenote: just remembered sarcasm does not translate through text
it's probably a bad thing that i wasn't even offended, huh?
why do my parents always seem to be having way more sex than i do?
I told her I'd give her some of the cream I was using so she didn't get my warts. That's when I realized I was too drunk.
you left your shoes but remembered to take your vodka. i see where your priorities are.
You act like this is the first time i've fingered two 17 year olds at the same time
She was really fucking loud. My neighbors definetly knew my name...
Whoever was the last to get in from the chinese firedrill had to pay the dealer.
She's using our floating beer pong table as an air mattress to sleep on.
I paused mid sex to tell him I wished I'd taken up barrel racing so I could ride better.
It would just be icing on the fucked up cake we're baking, if he got me pregnant.
I just found a voice recording from Tanya's bachelorette party when we found you drunk in downtown being harassed by a crazy dude dressed like a clown and we rescued you. Attached is a voice recording of me interviewing you after we found you. I titled it Carlos Batman.
Sexy intern needs to have caveman sex with me
The magician guy on probation is here at the bar. I'm gonna get him to show me a trick
Good morning! Or after noon. Sorry for falling asleep in you
Today's forecast: 90% chance of bad decisions, good stories, solid new dick and artichoke pizza
Randomize
