Becky drew a cock on my face and is making me sit on the step.
what did you do that she drew a cock on your face and supplemental questions why did you let her?
i'm all for saving the environment, but when we get into the shower to fuck, he shouldn't flip his shower hourglass timer
i made potato chips in weed oil. what did you do today?
all I heard when I woke up this morning was "BONG HITS FOR BREAKFAST" being yelled repeatedly.
Found crayons in my cigarette pack. I can't help but feel you may be responcible.
You graduated two years ago... You can't keep using spring break as an excuse.
He spent 6 hours at the ER after crashing a motorcycle and still came to the bar, Ofcourse I went home with him. He's my hero.
I took my shirt off and stood in the kitchen for an hour and a half talking to his parents about my tattoos
I may hire someone just to sell my family the drugs they keep asking me for. It's cutting into my doing drugs time.
I just gave my mom some ones that look like they've probably been in some strippers cooter. Oops.
Haha. Just tell your mom not to smell them
Hey mom, most of this money I'm giving you is in ones. Don't ask why and whatever you do don't smell them.
Sounds legit to me.
i just woke with half a bagel saran wrapped to my phone and a cookie in an envelope beside my head...
My google history for last night included "Whre is johns house" and "wher can i buy nukes?" Pretty sure they're related to one another.
I woke up in the bathtub with money shoved down my pants. I must've done something right.
Can you get the dildos out of the shower before the maids come?
Nah, we’re just sitting around talking about different kinds of boners
Randomize
