I feel like this woman may give her husband a hand job mid way through dinner. just saying.
Is it bad that Pitbull has taught me more Spanish than high school did?
she has tattoo'd to her hips "grip here" this is why they made spring break
Sending me a thank you card for letting you fuck my sister was completely inappropriate
apparently he thought telling me 'the weasel wants to come out to play' would somehow convince me to go down on him
Woke up next to a tiki torch spooning a plastic flamingo on a welcome mat i've never seen before with a "happy valentines day" balloon tied to my wrist, oh yeah and "i am a cougar" is written on my chest in sharpee and all the kitchen furniture is upside down...
We built a fire and had sex in the kiddie pool. Then he washed my hair
Strong work
I really want to fuck that guy in the full wind breaker suit
I don't care what you say, the fact that he's a drag queen with the same shoe size as me is reason enough to date him
I had sex on a dinosaur comforter, tell me that does not define my life.
I appreciate alcohol much more now that I have to be sober sometimes
sexting while watching Peter Pan the Musical! something just doesn't seem right here
Our first time hooking up was on New Years and we've managed to hook up every holiday since, I'm hoping this lasts until 2016 just to fulfill my American Holiday sex fantasy I never knew I had
Turns out your granddad is cooler than you. We're taking him on our New year's eve pub crawl instead. Sorry.
Dude, running 15 min late.
Let's play a game, you pay for all the drinks I can finish before you get here. Go.
Randomize
