I just bought Christian paraphenilia at Borders for my dad's bday. I had the urge to tell them it wasn't mine, like I was buying laxatives or a dildo
Hahahaha. You probably would have been more comfortable buying either of those than what you just bought
somehow you got everyone naked by playing strip rock paper scissors.
I'd like to apologize to your liver. It sees how much beer i drink and gets jealous of how awesome my liver is.
Contrary to what I yelled at them last night, it turns out campus police CAN arrest people...
Just filled up my pledge keg goblet with coffee at bp. They can judge all they want. At least I'm not killing baby dolphins.
Yeah he gave the rest of the brownies to the bouncer that took his fake
She had her underwear around her neck. No one can tell me i'm a slut now.
She ate the cookie then went to the emergency room. Now her fam is pressing charges. Don't people understand you DON'T steal baked goods from potheads??
I said "have a good day officer and I'll see you friday when I get arrested for being too drunk.."
It's a given that you're going to get peed on at a country concert
I just dropped $300 on lingerie. He better rip this off with his teeth.
Fun Fact: I do not remember what its like to be sober between drinking off and on for two weeks at my "vacation" and being on painkillers for my mouth now
REWARD BLOWJOB!! STAY RIGHT WHERE YOU ARE I'LL BE THERE IN FIVE MINUTES.
My fridge door just caught on fire somehow.
Just called to hear your voice and talk about pizza.
Randomize
