she won't take no for an answer... no matter what language i said it in
Just when you think you're never going to have sex again, BOOM you're naked in bed with a guatemalan
On the airplane today the pilot actually said "Ladies and gentlemen I'm sorry for the delay. But I know all of you have problems, and so do we..."
Tequila bombs in champagne seemed like a good idea at the time.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Fuckkkk i made out with a freshman.....but he's old for his age. THIS IS WHAT HAPPENS WHEN YOURE NOT AROUND.
speaking of creep .. love how I kept touching strangers faces at the bar ... and saying "Don't worry I'm a dermatologist"
I'm at home, drinking with my cat. While this is an enjoyable lifestyle, other plans are preferable.
The best part about drinking boxed wine is you can blow up the bag and use it as a pillow
But see that's the thing. I know i'm better looking than you, I just want you to be continually in a state of shock and awe that you could ever get a girlfriend this hot. You know?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Woke up to a sex noise notice under my door...he gets a A+ for proformance and ill be seeing him again.
I was proudly and successfully the first girl ever to get kicked out of a the bar for being too drunk last night. Loving spring break.
I DMed the cop that arrested me to come unlock my keys out if my car today
I've been with my family a total of 20 minutes and I'm ready to go on a bender. This is going to be a long weekend.
I can't find my keys and there's a hotdog in my purse.
That has got to be a joke. No human eats that much grass and lives to tell the tale.
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