New first...just saw an entire family of homeless hitch hikers...kids and all. God, i love Oklahoma!
APPARENTLY giving your friend one of your shoes so that you avoid the no shoes no service rule makes you drunk...
did you seriously make the punch out of vodka and food coloring
I think it's safe to say taking shots on the way to the emergency room was rock bottom. We're going to need to think of ways to top that between now and next new years eve...
just watched a cripple ollie in his wheelchair to get on to the elevated floor in the bar. I. LOVE. WISCONSIN
He probably tastes like german chocolate and coffee beans
Seriously though, my ovaries are trying to crawl out of my body and into his pants.
Did I seriously kick a door down last night... And if so when where and how hard, cause that shit I do not recall.
I like dinosaurs. I like penises. It's kind of a win win
I should become a firefighter. Who uses his cock to fight fires. Like a Superhero.
Would it be sad if I made a blanket fort to get drunk in till the power came back?
Well I may have gotten laid but I over drafted buying pizza so I think that negates everything
I told my dad that he was in a band and he was all like " good job" and then he looked up the band and listened to their music and just went " oh have you disappointed me"
Well, he kept asking me if I was going to murder him once we got upstairs. It sort of killed the mood.
Are you rolling a joint while doing homework?
No, I am rolling a joint with my homework.
I could be writing so much lesbian porn right now but noooooo!
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