No, asshole. I'm not gay. But if I was I think I would do better than fucking Nick Lachey.
You may have noticed the broken smoke detector and melted carpet. We may have accidentally lit a ping pong ball on fire...I'm sorry, but we did our best.
I'm going to die alone in a sea of empty vodka bottles and cats.
I forgot how wholesome of a place a park is when youre not drinking there.
I accidently showed a girl my balls already today. Made me think of you.
I'll make some time for you! I don't know how long you need to get off, but I should only need 2-7 minutes, pending what kind of socks I have on.
i would never take his side over yours. you coulda gotten knocked up from another dude and i'd be right there next to you blaming it on him saying some shit like "his sperm were just too sub par for you" or "shoulda had a bigger penis"
Like I would feel weird too if you just cancelled our wedding, cut off all your hair and started twerking everywhere
let’s be honest I’d fucking Irish step dance on your grave, asshole
I just got his Save the Dave and, to answer your next question, NO I AM NOT GOING TO THE WEDDING OF THE GUY WHO GOT DRUNK AND CAME ON MY CHEST.
I'm crying watching Rihanna at the VMAs. Periods are a bitch
I wish I could send you one of those donuts I had. Like teleport it to you. Because it would change your life
yea so the plan to relive our college glory days was great and all but ending up in the er with alcohol poisoning was crossing the line
So I'm buying milk, bread, yogurt & lube. Not awkward at all
Basic items
So what if is hockey, you don’t turn down sex with a professional athlete. They work out all day and have amazing stamina. Your vagina will thank you!
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