saw you had $9 in your checking acct, left $20 on your dresser so you won't be a whore this weekend
so they are in my phone as twin 1 and twin 2. but i forget which is which. did i put them in order of who I hooked up with first, or who is sexier? cause i'm not trying to text the one with the girlfriend
1st off, theyre identical. 2ndly, have i ever told you that youre a huge slut? hope that helps
I'm thinking of having one or both of my boobs out. They're small but they're mighty.
I wanted to google "huge banana" but I'm pretty sure all I'd get is dick pictures.
Im rethinking drunk tuesdays. Also rethinking ovaries.
Last night after we fucked, I washed my vag in vodka so I wouldn't get an STD
Or, you could have used a condom
the last thing i remember is inserting the sippy stray into the jack daniel's.
Going to rent a magician for when I eat shrooms. How has no one thought of this?
Honestly bro, I can't look at girls you've banged. Its like looking herpes in the face.
His dick is hereby named Charles Dickens. Will's is less cerebral. I'd like to call it Pinnacle like the vodka we drank when we hooked up, but I feel like that's a compliment it doesn't deserve.
We fucked through the entire Destiny's Child album, it was a beautiful thing.
Should I be concerned you put your last name in my phone as "danger"?
Up until today, I never would have thought I'd have to tell someone not to color on the cat
That pizza at 1 am literally tasted like I was eating an angel
Hey the moment you step into my house, find me IMMEDIATELY so we can pinky promise on not roping anyone at the party into yet another threesome
Randomize
