So that's a yes to the cocaine usage and a no to the rollerblading
Writing a book: The Evolution of the Douche Bag: From Popped Collars to Ed Hardy Shirts. Doing research now.
Make sure you include chapters on white sunglasses, spray tans, and toxic amounts of hair gel.
adderall just fell out of my nose in class. guy next to me just nodded.
I feel like if I were on Intervention, I would have to be a season finale.
he puked in his toast at dennys. after snoopdogg high fived him. couldn't be prouder to be his bro in law.
the protein jug says add 2 scoops to your favorite beverage. guess who just found a way to make sam adams healthy? THIS GUY
Drunk. I slept-stripped.
By myself.
told weddin planner we wanted to work in ceremonial body shots before vows. she hasnt reponded yet...
the bouncer watched the girl drop her ID, saw me pick it up and say OMG SHE LOOKS LIKE ME, and then let me use it to get into the bar
He has blue eyes of sex and i am powerless against them
Doesn't tell me where my computer chair went but good to know
I don't remember anything but bad decisions last night
I'll probably just end up banging you in your parents marital bed,in their honor of course.
Afternoon delight is playing while I take a shit at mcdonalds
It's okay to masturbate while watching the Comey testimony right?
rest in peace liver.
It was nice having you occupy space in my body that could be holding beer n chicken.
that's going in my livers obituary.
Randomize
