so this carnie looked at me and said "the ride in my pants is funner." i wet myself.
I just spent $27 on things to pee on.
i dont know you, but i just did a line with your business card.
A moment of silence for all our pussy whips bro's who had to endure the NEW MOON premier!
Just saw a denim jacket with the phrase christian cowboy...ridin with the lord under a picture of a cowboy in a sunset. I'm def in mississippi.
was just hit on by a homeless lesbian. forever alone.
my 3 favorite things in life are tequila, dicks, and making sandwiches. that DOES NOT make me a bad person.
Yeah, I think they knew. I smelled like that telltale combination of strippers and Easter.
How dare she call you insensitive. Should have told her about the time you let that girl in the wheelchair wearing the sombrero blow you.
Rather than admit to myself he's hooking up with her right now, I choose to believe that he's not responding because he's masturbating to my picture, distraught over his poor choice, and trying to forget about the one that got away with a heavy dose of meth.
I just saw a guy in a sombrero and holding an inflated blow-up doll in all her "glory" get escorted out of the mall. I hate Marley.
College: when you have to set an alarm to start drinking
Her shirt said pass joints, not judgement. You're surprised she stole your wallet after?
It's all fun and games until you rupture a testicle
it'll be like a game of Russian Roulette, but with my vagina.
Randomize
