That girl really should ne nicer to her vagina. It's not a playground.
Apparently hers is a theme park.
Yeah I hope so. Definately just saw two freshmen in very authentic togas and cotton ball beards. This new class is stepping it up.
Just walked in and was handcuffed to a police woman. Fire fighter woman poured franzia down my throat. Aaaaand I just ate cookies off of Little Red Riding Hood's tits.
Oh and I guess I added our cab driver on Facebook. He has "liked" every single one of my beach pictures. Kill me now.
Let's be honest, your relationships fail because the man you're looking for is the equivalent of an intellectual blow-up doll.
We're listening to space jam. This can only be a good omen.
A man just sang Jennifer Lopez to me out his car window. I am not sure how I feel about this, but it is not positively.
sweet sixteen by hillary duff just came on and i feel like i let lizzie mcguire down for being such a stoner
I spent most of the stoned conversation with my dad proving to him that the Newfoundland is an actual dog and NOT a Snuffaluffagus-esque figment of my stoned imagination, while laughing over the fact there is actually a place caller Dildo, Canada. Have YOU taken time to be a good dad today?
I spent half an hour sculpting my pubes into a perfect triangle of really short hair, and the first thing he said when he saw it was "Don't you think you need a shave?"
He fell asleep cradling my ass and every time I moved he adjusted his hand accordingly. I've found the one.
I told ya. I'm super awesome at making things super awkward. I'm the Awkwardnator.
At least be KIND OF sobering up before you text me, I've told you before I don't speak vodka unless I've been drinking it with you.
PS WHY wasn't I drinking it with you? Dick.
He dropped some cash when he got in my front seat upside down. And a hat. I'm keeping them as retribution for not remembering that he had sex with me once before. Although, if he didn't have his dick pierced, I wouldn't have remembered either.
WTF DOES CAROLINE HAVE GLASS IN HER FACE
Randomize
