OMFG I JUST SAW SOMEONE GIVING SOMEONE ELSE ROAD HEAD AND THEY HIT A POTHOLE. my day has been officially made.
I woke up in my own vomit, a chunk of cactus in my thigh, shirtless, with jons mom poking at me with a glass of dr pepper and a talk about god....damn alcohol
he farted when he came. not the best ending to my day.
Avril Lavigne as a judge on Idol wearing devil ears. it's like every boner you ever had in 2002 just came true.
I wish that one Sunday morning I could wake up feeling like I have my life together.
He had a cowboy hat I don't know where from and he was trying to lasso a snowman with a dog leash.
More importantly, he hasn't caught an STD yet. I mean I'd say it's luck, but at this point it has to be skill.
Well the strippers have danced to goo goo dolls and green day, time of your life. Were all gonna commit suicide.
I'm sitting on the floor singing Bruno mars while they cook and occasionally pet me
We have a vagina exchange agreement. Neither of us can hook up with any of our own law firm's summer associates. So we have a scout and referral program and invite each other to the other firm's summer events. Criss-cross!! Works every summer.
I found him in the kitchen singing German metal into a banana while simultaneously mixing brownie batter. He didn't have any pants on.
My brother walked up to us as we were making out and was like "hey man, go to town!" and winked
that almost beats the chick I saw smoking a joint while uni-cycling past my house at 4am. Almost.
Woke up this morning with fake blood all over my bed which is a positive considering last year it was all real blood
I talked to the pizza guy for 10 minutes about my truck, I don't even have a truck
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