Reminder- he's a douche bag. A big one.
Please stop sending me picture messages of your shit. Seriously. I don't care if it looks like popcorn chicken.
please hurry. your mom just evil laughed to herself in the kitchen like she's plotting my death.
Please check on her. She announced that Thursday she'd open herself to any veteran so as to thank them for their service. "my services for your service" and left the bar with three numbers.
You were yelling at the bowl of salad and telling it to quit taunting you and telling you to go to tacobell
rumor has it I kept asking you to go to the "tall grass" with me...sorry about that.
I have a boner and a quesadilla why aren't you here
you're usually drunk when you offer. there's one time you called me, told me not to dye my hair red, and asked if i wanted to see your tits.
smoked some of that legal weed last night, felt like God himself legit bent me over his knee and spanked my ass. Never again..never.
If by "Are you high?" u mean "Did you just pass out at Genghis Grill walking to your table and falceplant?" the answer is yes.
Yeah, reverse cow girl. She was on top and I was playing Flappy Bird behind her back. Easiest way to have angry sex.
I don't give a shit if you judge. This isn't about you or anyone else. This is about me and my chicken tenders.
I’M PUT OFF FROM FOOD RN BC EARLIER I GOT SOME WATER AND I WAS 4 SIPS IN WHEN I NOticed A FUCKING BURGER KING F R Y IN MY D R I N K
My "birthday sex" consisted of approximately 25 seconds of him going down on me in the shower.
it was weird i started the party in just my underwear and woke up in my clothes
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