talked to my RA about stamps and mailmen again. when do you think she'll realize that i only talk to her when i'm high?
She went into the basement and sang to my cat for three hours....she actually has a beautiful voice....
Made a salesman quit his job, a saleswoman cry, and got a manager to half shout "fuck this"....successful drunk Christmas shopping
ITS DAYLIGHT SAVINGS TIME SUNDAY EVERYTHING IS GOING TO BE OK AFTER ALL
You made out with two different species that night
There is nothing quite so awkward as watching topless bullriding with your mother next to you..
Got a 72 hour restraining order. Can we meet monday? Let me know!
You know how I know she's ugly? 97% of her profile pics are flowers or animals. And what do we know about pretty people and the Internet?
I dunno, there's just something so\ncomforting about having his penis in my mouth.
I'm really proud of my unchallenged ability to convert boob guys into ass men
I was just tongue fucked into oblivion.
Great... now even my dreams are making fun of me
Just found out my dad smokes weed too. Mom, grandma, all aunts and uncles, and now my dad too. It's like I'm genetically engineered to be a stoner.
Dude I had my dad cock block me once
Someone should walk up to them and say, "We're sorry, you're too hot to be out here with the other humans."
Randomize
