he saw my "i like bacon" magnet on the fridge and i told him how much i love meat, then we started making out
what a beautiful fairy tale
dude, the summer is killing me. i just woke up cause my balls were stuck to HER leg!
i was so high it looked like the chipmunks movements were coordinated to that lady gaga song
We just spray painted his balls while he is passed out....I cant wait to see him try to figure this out in the morning.
me and this guy in my office just exchanged an "i saw you at a drag show last night" look as he passed by my desk.
woke up in a garbage bag. literally. it was used as a sleeping bag.
Pretty sure that Albanian broad gave me something last night. Now we play the waiting game.
Before you ask, yes. Whatever you're wearing IS too slutty for his mom's funeral.
Man when i saw they were the only ones hard core grinding to the Cha Cha slide against the wall, I knew they were gonna have sex tonight.
Please note: when a bouncer tells you to leave, pointing out that their career path makes them a much better judge what to do will not make you friends
Have you ever realized how cool bread is? Like so many things taste good on it. Like its crazy to think that peanut butter and turkey can both taste good on the same thing.
He was the only one not on Xanax so he holds the key to what actually happened last night
Dude. I've been high for so many hours now that I'm just accepting this as my new reality.
I honestly just wanna put my face in her tits and disappear from this plane of existence
This was the first funeral I've ever attended where I had to pee behind a bush cuz someone was passed-out drunk in the locked bathroom. Steve would have been proud.
Randomize
