he thinks he's going to hurt your feelings
He can't hurt my feelings
I don't have feelings.
Fun fact: when I ripped off my wristband, I punched myself in the face. Rad
My Blind Date Arrived. She looks like something I'd draw with my left hand.
i just shit an entire soup salad and breadsticks from the olive garden... bud light wins again.
people from other dorms came to marvel at the dump i took. i had a bio major take a picture.
I've officially decided that whoever created hate sex should be on my christmas card list.
and then he publicly announced her herpes on facebook.
I like to think of them as justice herpes. She cheats on me and gets more than she bargained for.
Im not coming back to that place until im drunk. If I walk in there sober Ill start screaming uncontrollably. Not words, just sounds.
he was having a black light party and drinking manischewitz wine out of a three foot tall trophy he stole from mcdonald's...that's when I decided it was time to leave
Tony's mom to him at breakfast: "I found the shirt you wore last night in the bushes this morning."
It's official. Post baseball sex is better than post hockey sex. I hope the Blue Jays win the world series.
You told me you were going to invite all of your Tinder matches to the same bar on the same night and make them compete for your affection in a series of Lust Olympics. Winner gets laid.
Did you just affectionately call me a scrotum?
My last Google search was 'can an impotent man have sex'. I don't even want to know what I did with that guy.
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