why doesnt he love me? i have tried everything. i even sang to him after sex.
you have got to be kidding?
is it true you fucked a yoga instructor last night??! ..and let me know if you want me to post that question on your facebook so kelly can see how happy you are without her
I had to puke in a pizza box on the drive home. People saw.
Yeah she is in it for the money, wait til she finds out i am broke and the sex doesnt get better
I don't care how drunk you were. Sending me a pic of your dick dressed as Uncle Sam with the caption "I want you" isn't an acceptable pick up line.
do you know how hard it is to bring up the "what do I do if you conk out while we're fucking" conversation while maintaining the dignity of.the narcaleptic girl you just met?
When you're awkward as a teenager, it never goes away. You just mask it. With makeup. And boobs.
A gay guy went down on me in the club bathroom and then fixed my makeup for me
its gonna be a great night
Lmfao a voicemail screaming about you partying with your tits out and a text at 3 am saying you went too crazy... this should be a good one
Oh hell no my vagina is on that screenshot
I know you're on a date and I should leave you alone but about twenty minutes ago I realized I haven't been spanked in years so if you're still looking for a birthday present, you know, consider it.
You told him about your cats? I told his friend to put his dick in my mouth, and you talked about cats!?
He fingered me to the beat of the Fresh Prince theme song... it was pretty fantastic.
So I wake up to my ex girlfriends underwear hanging from the ceiling fan and the only thing i can think of is "what time is the game"
Just got your voicemail. The 3am call wasn't a drunk dial, it was an I left my phone in my pocket then has wild animalistic sex dial...
I hate you.
You LOVE me.
Randomize
