if all i could do was poop and smoke weed, i'd be eternally happy
amen to that sister
What are you wearing to our high school reunion?
I don't know, What kind of dress says "I feel sorry for you people?"
my roommate's gf just broke up with him and hes in his room crying and listening to coldplay while beating off to pictures of her...
i called my brother from the living room and paid him a dollar to turn off the light in my room. ive hit rock bottom
But then he started to talk about his wedding he wants and I quote " and yes parts will be choreographed"
You know summer is almost over when ur school booty calls start hitting u up as if solidifying their spot in drunken mistakes for next semester
I just threw up blood. Also i just remembered i got hit in the face with a 2 by 4.
The last thing I remember is sitting in a chair and him hand feeding me bell peppers
He was rocking just a diaper, shoes, and a gun. Sadly, I would still hit it.
Welcome to a new world. May the gods of weed smile upon you as you embark on exploring this new dimension.
I haven't had to masterbate since I started dating him over a year ago. I don't even know if I remember how and my vagina is calling.
I put purple lights under my bed and asked him if he wanted to fuck in a spaceship.
I mean seriously...It's like the universe is saying "your vagina is closed, move along"
There is a moment when you wake up with a butt plug in when you question your choices in life.
There is also a moment when you wake up in a kiddie pool of jello cubes where you question what the fuck you did last night. Are you still in the attic or did you go home.
I told the cop I was late for a booty call. He still gave me a ticket but he wrote his number on it
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