either fucking kiss her or kick her ass to the curb. Either way I can hear everything you are saying
Tittie bar + Mother In law gone = mission accomplished.
I can already tell this is gonna be one of those parties where we sit across the room and text about people.
Hands down the best time I've ever had barfing.
you think the cum will come out of moms black shirt?
who has not yet felt my sugrcially enhanced boobs. HurryI am at the bnar and it is 1:15 am
I'm fighting fire with fire. When my parents interrogate me about what I was doing last night, I tell them the truth. Every disgusting, awkward detail. I'm 23 now and they need to get used to it.
I figured out plans for New Year's and by figuring out I mean I've got a sugar bowl of cocaine. Start at 10?
Dude, you disappeared somewhere on the walk back and shortly after we got a call from your cell phone from this guy explaining that him and his roommates woke up to the smell of burning pizza and a naked stranger on their couch.
Well it was tamer than the 4th of july when I blew that guy I met walking home from the fireworks
Let the vodka take you where it will. Like Pocahontas, but wasted
my drivers license is super glued to my shoulder and im to hung over to get it off come and help me
At least your nickname is not Plunge Slut and that nickname is not in a published thesis work
I think I should write my liver a thank you note. If it had my work ethic, I would be dead now.
I know you won't see this for awhile, but I had to tell somebody, and you're like the only person who won't judge me for having an accidental erotic encounter with General Tso's chicken.
Randomize
