Having your wife answer your cell was so lame. Maybe we can talk when you get your phone, your facebook account, and your balls back.
girl is pretty boring. i'm gonna see if she'll let me finger her.
it glows. i had to have it.
Okay. I really need to get out of this guys bed and get home. It's two in the afternoon. He's not even HERE.
oh and i'm sorry i sold you for three cigarettes last night
Minus the pink eye. Do I look fuckable tonight?
BTW waking up to a picture of you taking a shot of what I can only assume was shitty lukewarm liquor out of a blow up dolls butt made my day
Stop leaving me alone with my ex boyfriends after keg challenges. Woke up in his bed covered in what you think would be cum. No...toothpaste. He left a note. "Be home at four. Don't be here when I get back."
If we go out with the 22/23 year olds we should make t a double date. I don't want to endure the judging looks of the public as I rob the cradle alone.
A man and his most likely hooker just bought us Taco Bell.
Last night I passed a kidney stone as I came inside her. Worst. Experience. Ever.
I got laid two nights in a row
And none for Gretchen Wieners...
The whole time you were apparently enduring your pukescapades, I was singing very loudly in the car to Beyonce on my way to get a post-coitus Diet Coke.
I saw an episode of cops that had one of my ex husbands on it.
her idea of a romantic time is a bottle of jager, some Guacamole and chips.
can't go wrong with guac.
Randomize
