Uhhh...do I owe you any money? Or an apology? Or anything?
Just found a glow stick inside of my vagina..
With the amount of traffic your vagina gets, it was only a matter of time before someone threw a rave there.
you were stealing lawn gnomes and punching cars. I'm not surprised you got arrested.
Your clothes are in washers 2,3 and 4. I arranged by darks, whites, then frat... I'm not even joking
Just got walked in on during safety inspections
Think you passed?
You ever get that 6th sense feeling in your dick like you know its gonna get sucked later?
Whatevss it will be funn .. Hopefully no one projectile vomits on the wall again.. Its kinda become a tradition though
Ignoring the crisis im in. Sitting in the front yard in a kiddie pool. Wearing arm floaties, fins and a snorkel. Waiting for a hot guy to walk by.
I understand where he's coming from but I don't want this alcohol to revolve around relationship
Wait
She can drink whiskey without a chaser and has a fridge full of whipped cream. Girlfriend potential
Hey, this is a mass text. I have a hospital bill from November, and I don't know from what. Did anyone bring me to the hospital on a drunken night that I don't remember...?
Well that's my green light to bang ur brother. Its not real til its on fb
Just had a serious discussion with my ex-boyfriend about sexy nurse vs. sexy teacher. So score one for friendship I guess.
I walked into the bathroom and there's this 6'5" cop washing his hands. He looks at me and goes, "Heard you singing outside. Sound real pretty."
No more tequila EVER.
So adding to the list of things my boobs can do, sweeping with a broom is apparently a thing.
Randomize
