So drunk its hurt
sometimes i look at this picture of your cock before i go to sleep, there's something comforting about it
We need to talk in the morning. The guy I was with just interpreted me taking off my earrings as code for "let me take off my pants."
I gambled and lost. Had to pull into a funeral home to clean up with a copy of my resume.
I hate thxgiving break now because that totally means I'm not able to have sex for a week.
I drunk wandered into my parents bed and slept between them
I've never had a better reason to do blow of a Pittsburgh strippers ass than to try and keep pace with my dad.
You weren't a difficult drunk to take care of. I just had to stop you from plunging the toilet once or twice.
There were two girls and a guy on a bed and now i can put porn director on my resume.
Dude, it's not gay. It's winter.
His crazy is a thing to be cherished
Shes yelled my World of Warcraft name when we were having sex, I think marriage is next.
you stood in front of the mirror for 20 minutes and finally said, "he can hear everything i'm saying inside my head. we need to leave." now try and tell me there is no such thing as too high.
Slept with a member of the band last night, found out today after extensive stalking he’s engaged. Pro tip: don’t research one night stands.
The smell of pee and coconut conditioner still makes me think of him
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