At least we lost an hour tonight! Less time to make a fool of myself
she was so "full of love" from watching twilight that she came over and gave me a handjob. when does the next movie come out?
you took out flashcards at the bar and went around asking guys what totalitarianism meant.
Just made my alarm the Lion King song. Too excited about waking up to sleep.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She said, and I quote "how do you run with something that big between your legs".
How am I?!! The turkey is dry as shit, I'm watching football in low def and there's no beer b/c everyone is in aa. Fuck giving thanks.
I call it a party but only because that sounds better than 8 people getting drunk around a pool.
Not much. Some creepy guy on Grindr thinks he knows who I am and where I live. So I sent him to that place with jockstraps and bacon. Hope he has fun.
In case you're wondering what eggs stolen from an elementary school's chicken coop taste like, delicious. Delicious is what they taste like.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have this rep as a wingman for a reason. I'm like a poon caddy. "You might want to use a 9 iron on this hole. "
By the power invested in me i promise you hot wedding sex at my wedding.
I just overheard an "I'm going to get your dick so hard" conversation at Costco.
There was nowhere else for me to go. I'm like the island of misfit toys but I'm hot.
was i wearing any clothes at that point?
socks and a thong
I'm too horny to sleep. I need some violent sex to wind me down.
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