He was crying to my sister about feeling like a bad person. Then he groped my breasts.
so, my congressman just called me to say he has office hours this week if i'm still interested in talking to him. i pray to god this is not related to Friday.
he was screaming in a recently acquired accent that he paid for delivery and they could cancel the entire order if they didn't come upstairs
I thought you said it was going to get worse not hilarious.
the delivery boy turned out to be my students mother. now she knows that i have incredibly low standards AND thanks to the fact that he still has dialup the pizza tracker was way off and she rang the bell and he answered mid bong rip.
Maybe we should try and tone it down a notch. The neighbors changed the name of their wifi network to "i can hear you having sex".
bad decision 37: pregaming the antique store
She nearly killed the mood when she said "Don't cum on my spray tan"
He's bringing condoms over for me in case we "bone".... the fact he calls it boning is not a great start.
I just don't know what he sees in my vagina...and that scares me.
Vodka?
Forever.
I've been on this train for an hour and this women has been on the phone and all she's said is "guuurrrrrlllll, gurl, gurl." I may commit suicide.
Oh I was gonna ask you the same thing...? It's official ask anyone to see your husbands dick day.
He said "just hugs" and ran away screaming.
So it may have been laced, sue me.
Being a fine ass woman in a world full of fuckboys is the realest struggle I've ever known.
Just by hearing the girl outside reciting the info on her fake ID, I know it's gonna be a good night
Oh honey. I will not JUST be drunk. I will be spring break drunk. Spectacularly hammered. It will be glorious for all watching and embarrassing for anyone that has to drag me to bed.
Randomize
