I'm pounding a vodka drink as we speak to make her interesting
You know you love balls. Don't act all "I-Don't-Love-Balls-ish"
The only reason why I invited him to my party was because he is suicidal.
You burnt your salmon and tried to mail it. Post marked to: Starving Kid in Africa
He's tryingto open a beer with a Police baton. Cut him off or see where this leads?
Just heard the girl at the bar cuss her bf out and order a long island ice tea. Going to give it 5 min then I'm going in. See you on the other side.
Your vase full of piss was still at his house and he still doesn't know.
for me, it's working out the tricky timing of the Viagra and nightly laxative.
Some guy just ate one of the dog treats. I have him a free beer. I love my job.
You threw up in a empty pizza box at Pizza Hut and opened the door with your face. So that maybe why it's bruised.
He got too drunk... he threw up ON the closed toilet.
It's a Jersey thing
At first I was nervous, then drunk me thought: What other chance will you realistically have to fuck a British guy?
He is completely naked, curled in a ball, and rocking back and forth in the shower humming lullabies to himself. This is your responsibility since I'm going to be fucking someone in 5.7 seconds.
Another thing to add to the list of things not to do while I'm drunk......explain to the upstairs neighborr how to have quiet orgasams......she now thinks I want to be part of a threesome......fuck my life
Are we at that level of friendship where we can share slutty stories and not hold it against the other person at a later date ?
Randomize
