My mom is giving me a "don't tape yourself during sex" talk. It's going to be a long car ride.
Already tried, she's too smart for that. I need a Primos "Do your wife in the butt" lure/call to trick her into wanting it
47 days without vaginal penetration. Im pretty sure it's grown over.
Do you realize that if your cunt was a missing person it would be assumed dead?
dude she was so drunk she thought Jim Joyce made the right call
i know. thats why i need an open bar. i'll get hammered and make a toast about how his dick is like the titanic. large, but full of failure.
Everytime I walk into a bathroom at school that I've taken a pregnancy test in I get a little bit nostalgic....
Someone fucked up, the stop Kony day is on 4/20,
The only thing keeping me calm right now is pretending to chop off everyone's heads when using the paper cutter
its not like i called off work either time for the purpose of tripping, it was more like well, i have nothing to do now today, there is acid and im only human.. but twice
Yeah I mean I think I need to stop living off of snacks and alcohol
I'm sending lingerie pics that I took yesterday. I fully prepared for this holiday
So i just remembered that thing i use to do with your butt because of shark week.
I knew it was you who came home last night because no one else would walk in at 3 am and start microwaving a burrito
quickly learned not to sleep with your roommate and work colleague in the same week
I got so drunk I thought my tennis court was a corn field so I laid in it and ate pizza