Are they still out there making out on the couch? How can we get them to leave?
I 'm gonna go stand naked in the kitchen with a knife
Which one of you FUCKERS filled the toilet with soil and planted my mothers daisys in it? NOT FUCKING HAPPY
i guess this means i'm going to be wearing knee socks during sex again
I wish they had an "I'm Stoned" genre on online Netflix
These People Had Regrettable One Night Stands
if i actually bought condoms for every time i had sex, i could single handedly fix the economy
btw good call for not making out for a pitcher of vodka, this hangover is bad enough
I want to start this convo out by apologizing for the broken toaster.
She wanted to roleplay. Apparently you be snow and i'll be a plow wasn't an option
Can we make a pact that if we're 40 and still sluts that aren't married we can get civil unioned the fuck up and raise an asian baby as our own?
This Girl Makes Latte Art That’s Too Cute to Drink
Convincing a cop that you have diplomatic immunity is way harder in Dallas than in Serbia. And you get fined for attempted bribery.
Nothing like being buzzed at 10:20am off wine shots in Amish country
I'm shaved like a Brazilian hooker right now.
I have the flu.
I don't give a shit
You sent me a snapchat of you hugging a beer with the caption "best friend"
Mom just walked in with a bag of weed and funyuns. I'll talk to you later.
CRAIGSLIST IS NOT THE ANSWER
IM LONELY AND HORNY