to be honest..when i was little i used to think sharks can swim out of drains and eat people
He nailed 50 frozen hamburgers to the ceiling last night. Now there are flies every where.
I swear I only do things like fuck 19 yr olds just to hear how you laugh when I tell you.
I need the number of a restaurant that delivers, has lock-picking abilities, and is okay with full frontal male nudity. Entirely too hungover to get out of bed.
21 Porn Stars Confess What Sex Is Really Like On Set
I want to do something romantic. Like gargle champagne before I put your dick in my mouth.
Is it sad that i just saw my moms thumb on the table & i instinctively put mine down cuz i thought she was thumbmaster?
No dude I got way too drunk to function. 90% sure I tried to FaceTime 911.
We just taught the Brazilian how to smoke out of a vuvuzela.
I just had a great idea for an etsy shop. Sell all the shit bitches leave from one nighters
19 People That Found Pubes In All The Wrong Places
I bought emergency contraception until I / we decide how to handle that. And target gave me a gift receipt for it. Awkward.
My dad told me to bring weed to easter Sunday dinner..
I already left my house once this summer. Maybe we could do something in October.
I'm a dude in a dress, who came to a party with Holly GoLightly, got hit on by Bambi's mom, and wants to do terrible things to Link. Halloween is weird
I used an explanation of Walking Marriages in the Mosuo Culture to successfully negotiate an open relationship. That Anthropology degree is finally starting to pay off.
I'm taking a shower and i'm gonna bring my pocketknife with me