i left the bar a little after you and ended up flipping my car in the arbys drive thru
dude...I wrote 15 jersey shore quotes on her body. she is going to do the walk of shame with snookie on her forehead.
Your friends ate a hole through an entire loaf of bread
I just figured I'd let u know that you bought a yacht on ebay last night
These 33 Eskimo Brothers Boinked The Same Person And Couldn’t Be More Proud
I didn't want to talk to him so I just started telling him how important Jesus was to me
med student doing my blood work at the AIDS clinic just hit on me after I told him i was having unprotected sex, but didn't think i had HIV.
I don't really want to explain to you right now but i just ate laundry detergent
you kept saying "no santa, im not having sex with you. it's not your holiday".
i had to cut you off after you shoved a bunch of bottle caps in your mouth and pretended you had braces.
17 Inappropriate Things People Did With Instruments
Let's just say, at one point i got woken up at 4am by a naked guy who was offering me steak, in a cup.
Half the people who compete die. All the rest either lose their minds or grow an innate fear of sharks, vodka, and fishbowls
I JUST FOUND AN INTERNATIONAL POLE DANCING CHAMPIONSHIP IN SPANISH
I didn't have the heart to tell him that the reason my vagina was so "prelubricated" was because I had just had another gentleman caller an hour earlier. So, when he commented about how turned on I appeared, I just went with it.
Executive order 941: BRING ME THE FINEST PANCAKES!
You have got to stop watching the West Wing before going out.
As a courtesy going forward if you could not bang in my house that would be nice