why did u let me go home with him last night?
u were determined it was a good idea
My balls are about to become a huge part of your mouth's life
If my body was a temple, I pissed all over the front stairs last night..
Just had sex in the basement of the library... I knew I was paying $120,000 for something more than a law degree
23 Parents Gave Awful Advice about “The Birds and the Bees”
She passed out on top of the bar. Still did body shots off her.
He woke up in the ambulance thinking he was still in the club.
Listen, it's not like I meant to bust the window out. It just sort of happened. And I'm also sorry for stealing your dads bandanas.
Stole a wheelchair from the hospital and rolled down the street smoking and drinking this is my weekend
I really resent how she stayed home and ruined my plans to watch sci-fi and masturbate.
These 19 Deaths Are Ironically Hilarious
I've hit an all time low I just sent a boob pict to fat Randall the one I gave a partial bj to a year a a half ago
Also one of my neighbors is blasting "pumped up kicks" and possibly butchering some chickens
first thing my tuition money buys is a strap on
If you take a post shower shit just get back in bed. You're better off starting your whole morning all over again.
i had a super strange, mommy/daddy issuestastic, mildly freudian, i-might-as-well-become-a-stripper-now-and-stop-fighting-the-inevitable dream last night :(
Today's walk of shame includes last nights hair and make up, an 8 hour shift, me leading a meeting and me throwing up in a parking lot on my way to work. Dear world, you're welcome.