This is clearly one of those "A hole's a hole" situations
We learned a valuable lesson from last night. You can, in fact, order bacon on a Big Mac.
I'm making celebratory pizza rolls. They're a lot like regular pizza rolls, but without the taste of shame.
In class ... We were just assigned groups for the quarter... Remember that night we took shots from that guys pants? I now know his name
We found you passed out clutching your purse. There was 16oz of unopened cheddar cheese inside. You just kept saying SALSA YES.
She was so morning drunk she asked the lady at brueggers for a bandaid and my self respect back
he told me i could have the honorable privilege of being the second girl to have sex with him in his new apartment, what a gentleman.
Security deposit gone.
burned down garage with fireworks.
I swear to go if the response she sends me something along the lines of who the fuck is Mark Hamill I might need to brake up with her.
You know it's really hard to draft fantasy football players in a crowded bar when I have a raging hard on
just give up on your dreams and come get shit house drunk with me.
The difference between 22 and 28 is bigger than I realised. I had the urge to put on Spongebob and give him a cookie.
You should have just fucked me in the bathroom when you had a chance!
I've just realized that today's rations have consisted of turkey bacon and jack Daniels.
Worst sex ever! He was a talker for sure! I was on top and out of no where he said "Oh you bad bitch?" I stopped and left.
Randomize
