I want 2 things right now, you or a cig
cig
I'm bringing poparts in case anyone gets hungry. The trek to frat row is strenuous.
The crowning achievement of my weekend was hooking up with someone I'm at least facebook friends with.
The only thing the cop asked me is..... "how are you still alive"?
I walked in and she was kneeling on the ground with no pants on, throwing up, and holding the puppy. It was one of those moments, where i was like damn i wish i had my camera.
I dont care if he cant spell. Illiterate people need blowjobs too
You crawled through a doggy door 5 times for a shot if cheap vodka.
This is what we get for YOLOing our way to obesity
I think I ruined his life by managing to get his initiation nickname for his frat to be "Whiskey Dick" but I still wish herpes on him and his fugly new girlfriend.
Who am I sleeping next to in your bed? Where are you? Also when are you coming home... I need coffee.
Once I hang curtains in my truck bed that'll be feasible
Trust me, dating 38 and 20 year old dudes at the same time is the best. Money plus all of the sex. Finally figured out this relationship thing.
Nothing says I'm committed to you for all eternity like letting him wear crocs to the wedding
Just sitting in the tub googling "how to remove sharpie from skin". You?
sam was dropping a deuce next to me. wrote me a note that said "glad we shared this experience." passed it under the wrong stall. the other guy picked it up. that's all I know so far.
Randomize
