if i could have babies with my dog i totally would cause i know thay would be fucking hott babies.
I can see my step sister's thong. Don't know if I should let myself be turned on or not
all thats left of you is your magnum wrapper on my dresser
I just saw what sperm look like swimming around. I'm not happy with what you've put in my stomach.
This is the 4 year anniversary of the last time I shit my pants. Let's get drunk...
Ur keys r in ur purse. ur purse is on the couch. ur cigs r on ur front seat. u drank all ur wine. mollie took ur jkt bc u cockblocked her. and in case anyone asks, the saints won 31-17.
i just jacked off to lindsey vonn, i feel so patriotic
USA! USA! USA!
I had to throw up. it was the only way to avoid kissing her after she swallowed..
Drunk roommate walked in on us and asked if we wanted to go eat a sandwich with her in the bathroom.
She uses my penis to point at the tv when we talk about the shows. I love her
What's the proper amount of time to avoid my 76 year old neighbor that caught me with my pants down, peeing in my driveway at 5am?
officially christened the dorm room by sucking my spilled drink off the floor. tastes like homee
2 men making out for 2 seconds to trick a cop so they don't get arrested for being pulled over rolling a blunt is not gay.
Sorry man, but I'd rather do drugs with strangers than watch sports with you. It's not personal, drugs always beat sports.
i mean i'm drinking free wine with lesbians and listening to sinead oconnor so i'm not sure who won that breakup
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