i just farted in a meeting....took me completely by surprise.
so you made the shocked face and they caught you.
yup.
When you're on the hood of a car, 10 mph feels pretty fucking fast.
we managed to turn Dream Phone into a drinking game. don't hate.
Now he's lighting his socks on fire
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So many people have lost their virginity on my futon... I think it is only the right thing to bronze it and put it on display
Glow parties are what I live for
Your priorities in life astound me
You looked at my sister and yelled at her saying in a couple of years she will be yours
if you do the accent, i'll wear the eyepatch
he was inside of, then got up said "we don't want you having a baby," grabbed his car keys and left. so now i'm just sitting on his bed, wondering if he's coming back.
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i think we watched the dark knight rises after you left but i might have passed out through most of it. I remember crying at the end though. sad tears then happy tears.
Why even have a ground level apt if you're not gonna let me climb out the window? I hate walk of shaming in front of toddlers...
You just managed to turn Dr. Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
I just matched the dude who's car I rear ended 2 years ago on tinder. I don't think he remembers.
I woke up and found my apartment really clean, appearantly drunk me couldn't tolerate living there anymore and left sober me a lot of insulting post-its...
So I justmade it back home and was greeted to a squirrel in my dorm... Last time I let my friends rent it out for a party.
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