Dont touch anything! You just got rid of your crabs!
On my way home i need to take a massive dump and couldn't wait.
You called information & said "connect me to johnny depp" when they told u it wasn't listed u said " try depp comma johnny he's expecting my call"
This Casey James character from American Idol is really gonna mess up my sex life.
Or maybe the fact that you know who Casey James is will be what messes up your sex life.
mom and dad googled us on the weekend. i love the internet less than i did on friday.
For the record I fully support drunken you in most social situations... Just not charity events.
Just woke up. My philosophy paper is a play, and my paper for musical theater is about physics. That's some dank shit you sold me
pre-gaming in the library. just gonna keep going until i'm too drunk to keep working and then i'll be there.
He blended the pizza with water and drank the whole thing. He is my hangover hero
Parents said they were cutting off my AmEx card. So I immediately went up to the liquor store and purchased $550 of booze before it was canceled. I'm expecting your arrival in 30 minutes.
fun fact: in my eskimo family tree i am the only brunette
Hungover and I may throw up in my therapist's office. Maybe he is right about my drinking
He came to my Harry Potter marathon wearing a Hogwarts uniform. Of course I fucked him.
Because you failed to stop the wedding, now I have to be a homewrecker. My eternal damnation is on your head I hope you're proud.
I think its a little fucked up she invited you to her wedding, are you going?
There is a lot of acid in my drugs right now
....ill put you down as a no then
Randomize
