i don't remember her name, but i don't need it unless we decide to hook up again. but even then, i can get away with not knowing it for a while. it's not like we have actual conversations.
Wedsnesdays are always enlightening. Tonights revealation: One should not smoke from something taller than their person.
And then he said "my dick isn't hard enough and your tits aren't big enough for this to work"
The fact that I woke up with my panties on the counter and a piece of pizza stuck in my sheets is what scares me.
The mystery gender stripper never showed up with that party burrito last night.
Just saw an all male dolphin threesome from underwater viewing
I threw up in the darkest corner of the bar last night, then watched 2 girls freak out in disgust after walking through it. I then realised I puked on the dancefloor, took a picture and proceeded to send it to my mom.
I think there's a problem with society when I'm shopping for lingerie and I think "man some of these would make kickass shirts"
Rigtt?!
I'm driving home wearing one sock, boxers, and a tee shirt. That's how good it was
Sometimes you have a glimmer of a heart and then I immediately remember you are dead inside.
I have experienced an excessively hairy ballsack in my mouth...and it was horrifying. I keep feeling it in my mouth now. It's like hairy ball PTSD.
so at 3am I stumbled into my parents house and crawled into bed with them, I need to start dating.
Take home message: SPERM IS EVIL AND SHOULD NEVER EVER EVER BE ALLOWED UP ONE'S NOSE.
stupid neighbors doing stupid yard work with their stupid kids when i want to do drugs in the backyard
what a classic moment of my life. A buffet of taco bell and a taser gun.
Randomize
