Want to come to my BBQ and Blow party?
Me ending up in the fetal position in my shower is becoming far too commonplace. It's like a weekly therapy session
I'm totally wasted about to ride water slides. That's goddamn 'Merican. That and Clint Eastwood.
I have made the descision to sacrifice the first of my family's dogs that wakes me before noon tomorrow. I may quickly become the family outcast
You're a Heat fan? You lose any chance blowjob bc of your poor choice.
be right there i have to get my cape
I just started the bonfire using a tampon. Who knew they could have multiple uses?
I'm hungry, horney and thirsty. Pick two you want to help out with.(please pick horney)
This is the second time this month a hookup cried when I left...bro get your shit together bar does NOT equal wife 😬
My friend just got engaged and I'm setting vibrators on fire.
Your life rocks...
Things he has managed to cum on so far on spring break: my bikini, my back-up bikini, three of my four bras, two pairs of panties, four beds, six chairs, the floor of several hotel rooms, the window/door to the balcony from both sides, my tits, my face, my stomach, his stomach, my ass, his best friend's girlfriend's face, and his best friend's dick.
Just FYI spring break is over and you're supposed to be back in class but hey sounds like you had your orgy so congrats.
I think the God that I only kind of believe in, definitely hates me.
she broke a 50 dollar bottle of alcohol. then passed out in front of her car and got sprayed by a skunk
He is married, and has a regrettably large penis. I need to find another one right away to get myself out of this mess.
How big does a penis have to be before it becomes regrettably so?
My arm is completely dead, never again will i give you a 20 minute hand job. You better have enjoyed that asshole. I have to text with my left hand now.
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