Hahahhahaha! Oooh get it! Ugh I am so dead but if I go to the lib whuich I will hopefully b havung sex instead, ill hit u up
you never know when you'll meet the man of your dreams and bang him in an elevator
you called me at 4 am to tell me you found the cracker barrel location where we'll have lunch next week
two words: fractured penis. two more: emergency room.
whenever I think of his sister, I just picture a chick with a huge beard
just bailed mom out of jail. Tell me i'm not the favorite child
You couldve had sex with 2 drunk chicks on an alligator slide.
just printed out my drug dealers resume for him. guess the ecstasy scene slows down when kids move back home for the summer...
Just made a PowerPoint called "Reasons Why You Should Fuck Me" at his request. The sad thing is we've had sex before...
He literally chugged a bottle of wine in under 2 minutes. Stood up, said "fuck what ya heard" and stabbed the bottle into their drywall.
I forgot that places existed where drinking on Sunday is frowned upon. It's just so unreasonable.
You was so high that you insisted that you heard someone whistle, then you insisted they was trapped in the wall!
He pulled out a red and green condom and then started humming "Here Comes Santa Claus." Happy holidays indeed.
Is there a tactful way to ask "how are your balls?" Or do I just ask point blank
Hey, I'm sleeping in your car...lol just knock on the window in the morning
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