so my mom just told me that she wouldnt pick me up and take us to taco bell at 3AM...
he's having a long distance Facebook-coordinated power hour. the status update has 159 comments ...
I just hit a new low..poured my beer in an empty coke can so I could drink in walmart.
I need a second opinion on who's blood is in my car.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Hey welcome to Rick's drunk text tree. Rick is drunk right now please respond with "shut up" to remove your name from this list. Thanks for playing.
My neighbor just watched me eat a granola bar without pants, this is a whole new level of unemployed
Hey have you ever thought about fishing cause I'd like to go fishing but don't know anyone that fishes and I'm gonna cry because. FISHING
After I came she just held my balls until I fell asleep. It was like adult swaddling. Magical...
I just want to emotionally destroy him but also find out how big his dick is so this is perfect
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
wow, being home for Xmas is freaking weird on tinder. I went to high school with everyone I'm matching... The fact that this many jocks like me now is a huge ego boost from my lack of glory days.
...and I'm done. I just matched two boys I used to babysit without realizing it.
I AM A GOOD PERSON AND THEREFORE I DESERVE QUALITY DICK!
There’s nothing that says motivation more than watching these little geniuses on Kids Baking Championship New Year’s Day. I’m ready to fuck shit up this year.
I finished my first whiskey and I'm waiting to have a second one in celebration when your pregnancy test comes back negative
no offense but you looked like shit yesterday
tequila is unforgiving..
Some bitch is passed out in a pool of vomit. Fucking lightweight, it's only 8.30.
Oh, wait.. That's you.
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