Dan is more possessive of me than a Michael Jackson is of McCully Caulkin
was*
True, R.I.P.
I'm okay, they said the swelling should go down in a week. But next time I'm shitwrecked, please make sure to remind me that I can't open a champagne bottle with corkscrew.
What's the kids name that was drinking stale beer and redbull out of the blender?
Drank another frat president under the table. Thinking of starting my own, gonna call it Alpha Phi Alcoholics
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm gonna sleep with her just to prove to my roomate that shes a slut and he's wasting his time
I'm pretty sure there was a language barrier but he knew what "harder" meant.
He is making me drink his THC water out of a milk jug.
Santa was walking around downtown handing out stuff at the bars. He gave me a free eyebrow wax. I think he's trying to tell me something
How do I tell a friend I drunkenly broke into his house and may have lost his dog
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Where the fuck do you get consience sedatives from?
Is it just me, or do you see your penis in that hand?
You added his wife on Facebook?! You're horrible at this mistress thing
dude pick up your phone
i cant. im high and theres a wild turkey in my backyard. wouldnt miss this moment for anything
So how do I tell him I've been sleeping with his wife too?
Tell me that I didn't just get ash in my Russian and just mix it TF in bc who cares and life has no meaning.
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