i told him i was on my period. he said, and i quote "can we not just lay down some newspapers or something?"
I told her for every minute she spent down there, I would donate a dollar to the Haiti relief fund... totally worked
i just had to wipe vomit off my fone to text you. yeah that hungover.
Maybe if i steal enough bar glasses i can justify all the money spent i've spent there
My mom is helping me re-arrange my room to make New Year's more hook-up friendly
The best part is when you puked in your slurpree and the 7 eleven guy still made you pay for it
The bartender from Thursday remembered me... And gave me a FLAMING BUCKET of alcohol.
He pointed at some girls and said "I'm gonna have sex with them girls over there", and disappeared.
Whoever invented the gimlet should be given a medal and then shot
When I picked you up, you were drinking Maker's Mark out of the bottle with a crazy straw.
Well ill be drunk so just come find me. Its like where in the world is Joey San Diego
My mom told me to get it out of my system now bc once I hit 30 it's not acceptable to get "white girl wasted".
I expected better sex from someone with the word CHAOS tattooed above his dick. But on the bright side, he was down to watch a documentary on Honey Badgers afterwards so I guess I'll keep him around.
Tackling and headbutting friends, running away and hiding from everyone, attempting to streak across campus, and then waking up with no sign of a hangover... happy 21 to me
My hangover headache is somewhere in the Harry Potter scar neighborhood. I can now empathize with that poor bastard.
Randomize
