Dude, I was completely sober last night, didn't puke on my shoes, went home with an incredibly beautiful girl, wore a condom, and didn't wake up in a puddle of urine this morning.
hah, sarcasm, classic
Those strippers last night smelled great. It was the perfect mixture of vanilla and daddy issues.
my brother is a facebook fan of two things: God, and Rhianna. if he's not a prime example of the rare "baptist closeted gay," i don't know who is.
needless to say, I hope she has to get an abortion again
Oh well. haha. i couldn't really understand what she was saying. i just nodded a lot. i guesss she found that sexy.
gotta love spring break
gotta love slutty girls from the south
Please tell me nicole sent the picture of the ejaculating penis to you too, otherwise I'll feel really awkward
you fucked my boyfriend. margarita girls night will not fix this.
Hey do you want me to wrap up that Jack in the Box you left in my gutter
I know. I know. The man who pulled me from my mother's womb was the same man who had his fingers in my vagina today. My life is a joke. I don't know how to feel about this.
Tonights drinking will be celebratory and victorious. Picture the end of The Mighty Ducks set to beer.
I left my bra and a book at his place. He's a hot Scandinavian who is into physics and computers - had to step up my game.
Dude, I can't even reach my asshole to wipe it. I have a lot more to be thankful for this Thanksgiving.
I can't help you there
I just want to eat my penis shaped food in front of you and see how you feel about it.
Just woke up and read the text that drunk me sent you, i take it all back, and you can't have my power puff girl pillow either.
Can you imagine doing supermarket sweep in a sex store? What's the sex store equivalent of a whole ham?
Randomize
