Threw my underwear in my purse as I was running away after sex last night, went to pick up my birth control prescription this morning, took out my wallet and accidentally flung my sweet thong onto the counter in front of the cashier. Think that was the universes way of telling me I am a whore.
Do you think the new Crest Whitestrips Advance Seal would stay on while I give him head? It would be great to knock out 2 things at once...
well,he told me "i bet you five bucks that i can right cum on the mirror with my cum" i said alright do it, lets just say he's five bucks richer...
he just looked at me and whispered "these are my sea lions. my sea lions." and then went back to licking the mirror
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I can't tell if I miss summer or 5 times a day sex more.
you duct taped a twenty to your thigh just in case and passed out.
Bro what are you doing Thursday the day before I go to jail??
My middle name is suave and my vagina shoots rainbows, what else would you expect?
i want to go make food but i'll have to face my mom after telling her that the random i'm sleeping with, whose name i don't know, told me I was "too slutty to be his girlfriend" when i was drunk last night
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My roommate is either deadlifting a bus or having sex. I can't tell which
I'm not snubbing your weed I just had a really important rack of ribs to get home to
He wants to make me arch my back "like I'm having an exorcism". Not sure if I'm turned on or freaked out.
You know what...ii have the turtles...were together....i love these god damn turtles...
he high fived his dick after we had sex
So this ukranian guy got angry and took his clothes off. Now he has my credit card and I can't find my keys.
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