Pappa wants mamma naked
Hey, kurt drew a penis on you and wrote my innotals. I had nothing to do a/ that.
Dude, I don't care how big her tits are. I have to dump her. She shit in my shower.
So high. I just took a picture of my chewed gum so I can remember to paint a picture of it as a cloud later.
Please tell me you're throwing the cats into this foot of snow.
I just did the math. 30.36% of girls I've slept with have cheated on a significant other while doing it.
Guys, I'm sleeping in the BOYNTON LAUNDRY ROOM. if you can, come let me out in the morning as I have no keys. I might be in the study room possibly. DON'T FORGET. I will be trapped
Recently successful and happy relationships are at an all time high now that you are no longer fucking so many peoples girlfriends. You alone have changed the mating patterns in the lower half of our county.
You need to stop relating my life to your schoolwork. But tell my girlfriend that she'd be proud.
That accounts for only three of the penises
Something about Sunday night screams phone sex
She said she forgot something.. and when she came out she was carrying a garden gnome, and a bottle of vodka. she was too hot to question it.
My house smells like bleach. Also, I do not feel bad about all the stuff I stole from the hospital while I was there.
I made out with my former step mother's best friend. Only knew the connection when they both showed up together at the bar.
If Denver makes it to the Super Bowl I'll quit drinking. So I'm pretty much stocking up on booze
Don't send me pics of cunning dicks while I'm eating potato chips
Randomize
