so explain again why im purple
no
You just kept yelling "SATAN!" at me every time I walked by
I guess I should mention that I have already fucked the Fed Ex guy.
That changes everything.
Worst part of St. Paddy's...me drunkenly crying to a U2 cover band.
I'd like to say he was whispering sweet nothings into my ear all night but really he was just whispering "pussyyy"
wait, how does the 20 year old one night stand pregnant girl have a superiority complex?
Yeah. I was about to call 911 but I ended up breaking the door frame off then ran and puked all the way home.
I dont even think your gonna like what I got you for christmas. If not we can take it back and get drugs.
We should totally stay in at new years, have sex and try to time orgasm to the countdown
Woman at starbucks on her computer with a garbage bag of popcorn and a bottle of lotion. Where are you coming from?!
I had no idea he had such passive aggressive animalistic tendencies. This is the human equivalent of peeing on someone.
If the ex isent in town and im crying under a table somewhere because of it can we go to a drag show or something
Nothing says I love you as your fiancé bringing back home your drunk brother from his own stag party
You started pulling out condoms from your fanny pack and threw them at all the couples on the beach
This is an alert from the drunk police: you have reached the point of no return. Text messages past this point are illegible.
Randomize
